it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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