I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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