Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
