Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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