Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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