I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
