also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize