My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
