then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
