Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
