I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
