I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
