Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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