Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
