mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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