Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
