i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
