Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
