I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize