Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize