hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
