clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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