Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
