The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I had to cum in my sink.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
