Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
