His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
