Church boner. Awkwardddd
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize