how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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