I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
