i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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