I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize