Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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