North Korea, Best Korea!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
please don't ironically join a cult
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