shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
