Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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