my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
