I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
