i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
