i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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