Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
