he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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