This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
