people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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