Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize