Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
