so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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