i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
