Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
