i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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