So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
