the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
