I think I am morally bankrupt
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
