Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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