I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
