he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize