yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
