dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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