Who wears a wallet chain?!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
