using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
