the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
