WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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