I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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