haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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