i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
