He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
